


Peace isn't for everyone

by Brixxen



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ex soldier Eren, Ex soldier Levi, Feeling Abandoned, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, PTSD, Post-War, one shot for now, prompted by fanart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:14:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21660640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brixxen/pseuds/Brixxen
Summary: The war had ended. Five years of endless fighting to bring peace to their nation. Everyone was happy. They could breathe easier, keep relaxing in their big homes, keep buying and trading. It was life as normal for them.But what about the soldiers who had survived?
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 1
Kudos: 45





	Peace isn't for everyone

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So this was prompted by a fanart I came across. Unfortunately, I can't find out who the artist is so I don't want to post it without permission but the last scene of this story is that picture. I also listened to Red Swan on repeat while writing this because that song makes my heart ache.  
> Red Swan full song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4m_HqLVm78
> 
> Also, yes this is way short compared to my normal stories. I just needed a drabble with crying and comfort in my life today.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

The war had ended. Five years of endless fighting to bring peace to their nation. Everyone was happy. They could breathe easier, keep relaxing in their big homes, keep buying and trading. It was life as normal for them.

But what about the soldiers who had survived? 

No one asked how  _ they _ were doing. They were congratulated sure, given medals of bravery and then asked to live normal lives like it was  _ easy _ . 

No one asked if that was even possible. To be normal after killing so many people with your own hands; living in the dirt with minimal food and water, learning to survive without outside help. And now food was everywhere, they had warm beds, no weapons, no explosions. Nothing. 

Some of them went crazy. 

The world wasn’t prepared to deal with PTSD victims. They had never had a war before. And so they ignored those people after they had sacrificed everything for their peace. They were abandoned. 

Levi fell in that category though he’d never admit it to anyone. He’d never admit to being a victim of anything, however, insomnia, paranoia, and itch in his hand to pull out his knife spoke otherwise. 

He was lucky Hange found him right after the war ended. The rest of his squad were young, they still had families to go to, still had hopes for the future. They had all left. 

Even Eren had left. 

For a second, he had thought something could happen between them. He had thought Eren felt the same warmth on his side that Levi had felt. They had been inseparable for five years. Always side by side, never leaving the other alone. His second in command, Eren Jaeger, would never abandon him. 

And then, after the award ceremony, they had all said goodbye. Sure there were lots of tears and hugging. Levi permitted his squad to hug him this once mainly looking forward to Eren’s turn. And the boy had hugged him. But not to celebrate and plan their next move. It was a goodbye hug. And then they were all gone. 

Levi hates how he felt that day. A day of celebration and he had shut down. Snuck away ready to do something reckless to ignore the stabbing pain in his chest. 

Then Hange grabbed him, literally, and hauled him to her newly established bar on the edge of town. They had been childhood friends until they had been drafted. She had been drafted as a medical supplies leader, and him a captain on the frontlines. They hadn’t seen each other since. 

Now, he was co-owner to her veteran owned and operated bar which was one of the few safe places for veterans to come and just...be themselves. There were a lot of fights, a lot of shouting, a lot of tears. But they all understood each other. They all suffered from the same mental wounds. Hallucinations, paranoia, insomnia, flaring tempers, and for some, like Levi, the longing to go to action again. They didn’t know how to let go and move on. Some of them couldn’t. Some of them didn’t  _ want _ to change.

“Levi! Another fight outside!” Hange’s voice makes him flinch, hand already going to his knife. Guns had been banned since peace time. Only knives were permitted and it frustrated him. 

“I’m on it.” He maneuvers through the bar patrons, most on their way to drunken bliss. He might join them later. 

“Stand back you fucking terrorist!” A familiar voice screams freezing him to the doorway. 

Eren’s back is to him but it’s definitely him. How many times did he watch the kid run into gunfire as he covered from behind? Too many times to count.

Eren has a hunters knife pointed at a normal looking man who looked bewildered. 

“Dude I’m not a terrorist! I just bumped into you by accident. I already apologized!” The man yells, fright heightened as Eren steps towards him. 

A small part of him  _ wants _ to see this play out. He wants to see bloodshed. He wants to join Eren and pretend that guy is a terrorist just to feel the thrill again. 

He stamps it down though. 

“Eren stand down.” He calls, surprised at how natural the command sounded even now. Ah. Old habits don’t die apparently. 

Eren whips towards him so fast it looks painful. Glaring green eyes look at him and get even more murderous. “Oh that’s not even fucking cool. Now you are impersonating my Captain? How dare you…” He finishes in a whisper and Levi is grateful for continuing his combatives training. It’s the only thing that saves him from being fucking stabbed as Eren charges him, intent to kill. 

Levi parrys with his own blade. “Eren it’s me you idiot. Stand down!” 

Eren swings at him again and dammit did the kid get bigger? He knocks Levi back into the buildings wall. Levi brings his knife up just in time to stop Eren’s downward swing, locking them. 

“Shut up! You aren’t him. You’re just another fucking illusion!” Eren’s eyes are clouded and Levi wonders how long he’s suffered like this. Why was he even here? He had parents to care for him. 

“Levi!” Hange again. 

“Not...now...Hange…” He murmurs not breaking focus. He was strong but Eren was taller and had the momentum. He really didn’t want to be cut down by his own subordinate. 

But something changes in Eren’s mind because his force lessens. “L-levi? Levi Ackerman?” His eyes are clearing and Levi breathes out a sigh of relief.

“Yeah brat now get the fuck off me.” The response is instant. Eren jumps back standing up straight as a board looking ashamed.

“Get inside. I’ll deal with your mess.” 

“No I got it.” Hange offers with a sly look. “You two probably have a  _ lot _ to talk about.” Fucking hell. Too many drunken nights with Hange had him spilling his regret and anger over Eren and now she was connecting the dots. 

“Shut it four-eyes.” He growls but heads back into the bar, glancing back once to see Eren following stiffly, eyes downcast. 

Fuck. He was happy. Eren was here again. But for how long? Why did he suddenly show up? 

He goes behind the bar and pours two shots of his favorite whiskey in a silent celebration. He sets the glasses on the table finally looking at the guy who had saved his ass more times than he can count. “Eren…” What did he even say? He wasn’t good with words. He was just fucking happy right now and didn’t know how to express that. 

Eren looks up at him, eyes brimming with tears. “Captain...I missed you too. So much.” He chokes back a sob and Levi’s heart wrenches. Damn that kid for knowing him too well. 

He clinks their glasses together and downs his quickly, hearing Eren do the same though less gracefully. “Let’s talk.” He motions to the back and Eren follows out the back door to a secluded alley behind the bar. 

It was eerie how quiet the night was then. He still couldn’t get used to these quiet moments. He sighs and stops at the end, turning and leaning back against the brick wall. Eren’s in front of him and Levi is happy. Happy that Eren stands closer to him than what’s normal. Closer than Levi would allow anyone else to get to him. 

“C-Captian...I...I’m so lost…” The tears fall silently as Eren struggles. Levi wants to wipe those tears away but resists. The heartbreak still stinging even after a year. 

“I thought it’d be easy. To go back to normal. But…” He looks up then, face in anguish. “What is normal now Captain? How do I be normal again?”

Eren hunches, face in his hands. “My parents kept telling me to go back to normal. But I don’t remember what that is! I don’t remember yelling at them to get to cover because I heard a mortar. I don’t remember threatening our neighbor thinking he was a spy.” Ah. His hallucinations weren’t uncommon but Levi hated that it happened to his subordinate. Why Eren of all people? He deserved a happy life more than anyone. 

His hair almost touches Levi’s forehead. If he just leaned in a little he could feel it. But of course he doesn’t. He stands stiffly against the wall making no comment. 

Eren continues, used to his stoic personality. “My parents kicked me out. I’m an adult so they didn’t have to look after me. But it still hurt...that they abandoned me.” Levi flinches at that and Eren notices. He hated how perceptive the kid is. 

Watery green eyes look at him just inches away. “What is it Captain? What’s wrong?” 

Levi breaks. “Yes. It must really suck to be abandoned. I wouldn’t know anything about  _ that _ .” He spits out, eyes flashing angrily and Eren actually steps back. It gives him little satisfaction though. He was so bitter over that day. He knew it was petty to throw it back at Eren when he’s hurting but, dammit,  _ he _ had been hurting too. He still hurt. His side still felt cold where Eren should’ve been this whole fucking year. 

“W-what? What do you mean?” 

“You all left me. Abandoned me that day after that stupid ceremony. Five years by your side saving your stupid ass and you just leave? What the fuck Eren!” He’s shaking now. He digs his nails into his palms to keep from just punching the kid in front of him, looking at him so confused and beautiful. 

“No! That’s not…” Eren’s jaw clenches and fresh tears form. “I didn’t want to leave but my parents were there. They took me away and when I could finally return you were gone. No one had seen you or knew where you were. I thought...you had abandoned  _ me _ .” He falls to his knees in front of Levi with a wail and Levi can only stare. They were both fucking idiots. 

He groans in frustration, rubbing hands down his face to find his calm again. They had both made wrong choices that day. Fuck. And he just stayed holed up here. No wonder Eren couldn’t find him. 

Levi slides down the wall, sitting on his ass not caring how dirty the ground is. Eren is sobbing out apologies over and over in front of him and he feels his own eyes prick with tears. Fuck. 

He reaches out slowly so as to not startle the kid. “Eren.” His voice rough, emotional. Fear of rejection still steadfast in his mind. 

Eren looks up, looks at his hand next to his face and barrels into his chest without hesitation. His wet face presses into Levi’s collarbone and it’s like a dam opening. Harsh sobs rack his body, hands reach up to cling to Levi’s shirt. 

The former captain sighs, his body loosening, threading his hand through the soft hair on the back of Eren’s head. He wasn’t going to let this kid go again. Not again. 

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” He pulls the boy closer and drops his face into the mop of hair letting his own tears finally fall. 


End file.
